4 Tips for Keeping Marriage Alive Post-Baby | NESHEAHOLIC

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

4 Tips for Keeping Marriage Alive Post-Baby


Many couples grow apart after having children. Being new parents and parents in general comes with stress and stress is hard on relationships. Hubs and I have navigated parenthood thus far with only minor disagreements. I'm not a marriage expert but I know what has worked for us. Here are my four tips for keeping marriage alive post-baby. 

Revel in and appreciate seeing your partner in their role as a parent. 
I love seeing Hubs with BabyCakes. Seeing him interact with her as a father makes me love him in a whole new way. Enjoy seeing your partner bloom into their new role in life. Don't leave your appreciation for just Mother's Day or Father's Day. 


Split the Burden
BabyCakes is the best burden I've ever had. We love her, but she takes work. As a couple you have to split up the work so neither person feels like they're going at things alone. This doesn't mean splitting diaper changes down the middle, or alternating  early mornings (unless that works for you!). What is most important is that each person plays to their strengths and puts in work in the ways they are best at. I do the majority of diaper changes and morning wake-ups, but Hubs entertains her while I'm cooking and handles the evening routine when I have rehearsals or work late. 

Have Dates
Having a baby  gives you much less time with each other as a couple. You have to make time for yourselves outside of your familiar settings. We don't have much family in the immediate area so our dates are limited but my sister-in-law has been gracious enough to give us a date night every other month or so. We also found a great date-night babysitter on Care.com that we use occasionally. Don't be constrained to the traditional notion of a date. We enjoy taking a half-day of work and going to breakfast at a diner together after we drop BabyCakes off at daycare. Some quality time together that doesn't cost us anything additional in childcare. 

Set Couple Rituals
Because babysitters do get expensive quickly, set in-home couples rituals that you can do more often and are free of cost but offer designated time together. We have what we call "Parents Lounge," which is our basement after the baby is sleep until we go to bed. We're two floors down from her so we don't have to worry about waking her up. We can watch TV, have a drink, play games and just chill together.

Communicate in Fun Ways
Make sure you talk about things that aren't related to the responsibilities of housekeeping, parenting, work or other obligations. Talk about TV, movies, games, music, pop-culture. We send each other emails, texts and videos during the day. Life can be heavy so take an opportunity to enjoy light conversation. 

I love our little family, but we can't neglect how it all started, me and him. 

How are you keeping your marriage alive post-children?
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10 comments

  1. That was me^^

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  2. These are great tips for staying connected. I know we have had a very difficult time.
    Tori
    www.themamanurse.com

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  3. Awww what a beautiful family!! These are really great tips!

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  4. OH this is such a great post, Loving this. I enjoy reading what works for others in their marriage, I am not currently married but since I am divorced I love taking in all the info I can for the next time around to be forever.

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  5. I love how you said to communicate in fun ways. Our oldest is almost four, and he echoes everything he hears. So now Hubs and I are starting to refresh our knowledge of sign language. :)

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  6. I absolutely LOVE this! I know when my son was born 10 years ago, it was an interesting transition from couple to parents. And by interesting I mean pretty rough! LOL! I pushed myself to go on dates and really tried hard to keep the flame hot as a wife, but I didn't realize why everything felt impossibly hard. I was struggling with post-partum depression, but I didn't realize that until much later. We kept reaching out to loved ones, asking for help and guidance, but the common reply we got was "you're fine" or "just brush it off" or "what's wrong with you?" I wish I would've known and been kinder to myself. I think getting help might have helped us both quicker, than all the time it took us, struggling, to figure it out on our own. So yes, by all means, appreciate your partner, go on dates, have couple rituals (we tried it all!) Now, happily married 12 years later, I'm thankful to God that HE helped us through the rough times. But if you or someone you love is really trying hard to make things work and still feeling like it's impossible, reach out and get help. God bless!

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    Replies
    1. So glad God helped you through the rough times. I should probably update this with a 5th tip - prayer!

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