10/1/09 - 11/1/09 | NESHEAHOLIC

Thursday, October 29, 2009

No babies, anytime soon

As life continues post-wedding/honeymoon, the most asked question I get, second to "How was the honeymoon?," is some variation of "When are you going to have babies?"

My answers are: "No children in our 3 year plan," "I'm afraid of babies" & "I don't really want kids."

As far as the three year plan goes, we have one more year of renting, then we want to maybe buy a house w/i the next year after that, and at least have a year in that new house before we go making any offspring. Ideally there won't be any children popping out until we've been settled a couple years into the house we buy.

I am, literally, afraid of babies. Toddlers I can handle, but infants/newborns scare the ba-jezus out of me. They seem so fragile. Everyone always says how babies are probably more resilient than adults, but I'm so afraid to hurt their little bones and organs. I mean their necks need to be supported since they have no neck muscles yet, they can't sit up, its just too much for me. My niece, who is now almost two, when she was a baby and I was visiting home I either couldn't sleep, or I was up every hour looking at her in her crib to make sure her little chest was rising and falling.

At this point in my life, I don't really want kids. Outside of them scaring me, I just don't have a desire to have a child. I'm still pretty young, and probably in a few years as my biological clock is ticking louder I'll start to feel a "mommy twinge" but right now I'm not at all interested in children. I'm focused on career and building up my relationship with my new husband. Many will say that it is selfish for a woman not to want to have a child because she is focused on herself or career. I guess I can kind of see where that mentality can come from but I know myself, and I know where my priorities lie currently. I can't see why I should be faulted for having a preference of not wanting a child.

Motherhood is a HUGE responsibility, and just like many other things in life, I don't think it is something to rush into at all, even if society says your baby oven is what makes you a "real woman."

To the mothers out there, MAJOR PROPS to you. You are obviously real life super women. I won't be joining your club any time soon, I'm still getting a handle on managing career, housekeeping, and one other life outside my own (my husband).

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Financial Stability vs. Happiness

People always say, don't worry about money, you can't use it when you die. While that may be true, a lack of money sure makes it hard to live. Even with that being said....

There was an article in the Metro a while back that talked about how more and more college students are steering towards more traditional or stable majors like engineering and education because of the instability of the job market, instead of going for more creative based majors like journalism or performing, even if that is where their passion lies.

As a college graduate who graduated with a major in communications and a minor in theater I think its sad for a person to be in a position where they have to chose money over happiness, albeit necessary at some times. I think I just missed the curve of college students graduating into the up and down economy we have now - or at least before the media decided to make it a hot topic. Even still, when hearing my concentrations people always asked, "What are you going to do with that?" And I'd answer, I want to work in public relations and marketing for a performing arts based company. 6 months after graduation, that's exactly what I was doing, but I was very fortunate.

A person who hates math and science but goes into engineering because "thats where the money is," but they'd rather be studying creative writing, isn't really going to feel fulfilled. Money can only fill so many spaces before our true passions are left dry and empty.

There has to be a balance somewhere. A balance between doing what truly makes you happy, and doing what needs to get done to pay the bills. I absolutely love my job, but if I could have things my way, I'd audition and perform full time and do my "real job" on the side. But for now, it remains that 'the 9-5' is my husband, and performing is my mistress ;-)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why doesn't God fix it?

In times of poverty, famine, natural disasters, crime, violent occurrences, etc. nonbelievers will ask "If there is a God, why doesn't he fix it?" or a believer will ask "Why doesn't God fix the situation?" I won't attempt to give God's answers to these questions, but I have my own hypothesis.

I think God doesn't step in because a miracle isn't needed in a lot of the situations that plague the earth. Humanity has the means to solve many of the world's problems, so why should he be called upon to solve a puzzle that we created and can solve? Poverty is man made. If humanity started to really walk in love, setting aside greed, and help people, the instances of crime, homelessness and poverty would go down. In countries where 10% of the population have 90% of the wealth, its obvious that a different distribution of funds could help those less fortunate.

Even in many cases of natural disasters, these things are caused by the damage that we have done to the earth over these billions of years.

Its in humanity's power to fix things, and the problems were brought about by selfishness and greed of humankind. This isn't absolute, but its relevant in many instances. God works through people, and if people are unwilling to do his good works, then good won't be done.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Why marriages fail

I've only been married for one week and one day, but this is something that can easily be observed by anyone, newly married, single, or married for years.

In many instances, couples have unrealistic expectations about their lives and their partners after they are married. Marriage doesn't change a person's habits, personality traits, opinions, beliefs, etc. If a person chews with their mouth open before they get married, they are likely to chew with their mouth open after they get married, even if it annoys their significant other. Getting married doesn't change a person.

This isn't to say that taking those vows doesn't make a person strive to be better in their relationship, but you can't expect a complete 180 degree change of a person. You have to know the person you are in a relationship with, and understand the fact that the things that annoy you about them when you are dating will still be there after you are married, and weigh whether or not this is something you can overlook for a LIFETIME.

I think in many instances by the time the wedding manicure and pedicure polish has faded those quirks and annoyances start to annoy more than they had before. This is only natural, as a person starts to realize they will have to deal with this til death do they part. They key is to think about this BEFORE you make it to the alter. Marriage should be taken seriously and people should truly take the time to think about the worst thing about their partner, and if they love them enough to deal with that worst thing for the rest of their life. In theory, that other person will work on their flaws, but in the instance that it will take them a long time to work on it, can you stay in it for the long haul? If you can...get married.

Marriage is just a grand step toward a lifelong commitment to work on a relationship. The relationship is still going to take work, there will still be arguments, good times and bad times, but the stakes are/should be greater, because it is a lifelong commitment.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Honeymoon Files

What will be missing below are photos of the two coolest things we did during the honeymoon - Scuba Diving and Segwaying around the Bahamas. The scuba diving photos are on a disposable camera that I have yet to develop yet since we just got back to Philly, and the segway photos are on my digital camera which I believe I left in my stateroom on the cruise ship , hoping to recover that tomorrow.

The first port was Grand Turk where we went scuba diving. Scuba diving was AWESOME and SCARY! I've jumped out of a plane, but water scares me lol. I thought since scuba diving happens close to the surface of the water that we would be in the shallow part of the beach.....NOT! They took us out into the middle of the ocean! I was so scared, I clung to the boat the whole time, but it was an amazing experience seeing schools of fish and even a barracuda up close!

This is us, sipping drinks from our carnival cruise ship souvenir cups lol

The next port was Half Moon Cay where we hung out at the beach and swam in THE MOST blue clear water I have ever seen, with sand as sparkling as a diamond, I kid you not!

The third port was the Bahamas where we had the most fun of all. We took a off-road segway tour around the Bahamas, and it was awesome! I SO want a segway for Christmas now lol. For those who aren't familiar, a segway looks like the contraption below.

Let me tell you, this machine is the coolest invention since sliced bread lol. You control it just by shifting your body weight.

Being on the ship was also awesome. We ate SOOOO much. 24 hour room service, 24 hour pizza and ice cream, cleaning of our room and changing of our sheets two times a day, who could ask for anything more? Not to mention we had a room at the back of the ship with our own little balcony!

On our second night the dinning room staff surprised us with cake and a singing of "Happy Honeymoon to You." This is the picture they took as we sat, with the eyes of all the other diners on us lol.

One of the things Carnival is known for apparently is towel animals. Every night when we came back to our room which had been cleaned for the second time in the day, there was a towel animal waiting for us!

I think this one was a seal

This was something cute, not sure, maybe a dog? rabbit?

My favorite, the elephant!

Since Halloween is close there was a "Fright Night." Here is me and the hubby with the "fright" creatures lol.

All in all, I'd say I had a pretty AWESOME honeymoon!!!!!Woot!!!!!

P.S.- pray with me that my digital camera is recovered.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Homeless Veterans

Homeless Veterans

Those words together absolutely disgust me. How dare a government or country allow for men and women who protected and fought for the rights of this nation to live on the streets? There are only a few things that can really strike my emotional nerve, and this is one of them.

30% of the homeless people in Philadelphia are veterans. How is that just? Homelessness in general is a sad plight that many people have to deal with, but to be homeless after returning from risking their lives for all of us? That is the ultimate slap in the face. This video was put together by one of the veteran's centers in Philadelphia (there is also a link there to donate if you would like).

They provide meals, a place to shower, get a haircut and do laundry for veterans. They also offer psychiatric and medical evaluations along with legal counseling. They help them find a place to live and give them job training and even transportation to work if they need it. They provide these services, as actual government provided VA hospitals are closing. It makes my blood boil to think that services like these are even necessary for our veterans. What happened to all the promises that were made by our government of education and sustainability?

A slap in the face to the women and men who risk it all so we can live freely. I don't necessarily support the war, but I do support our troops.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Growing up...never happens

Growing up is hard to do never happens.

When you are younger you always think there will be some point in your life where you miraculously will grow up, or become a grown up. Usually this is assumed to be somewhere between 20 and 30. Things don't really happen that way. I'm 23, and I feel like I have grown, but that there is still a lot of growing to do. I think it will always be like this. At 60 I feel like I'll still have more to learn in life. Growing up isn't an achievement, but rather a progression. It starts at birth and continues all the way through death, and from start to finish there are lessons to learn.

Signs that tell me I am growing up:
(may not be applicable to everyone)

I'm getting married
On October 18th 2009 to be specific. Now, marriage in itself doesn't make anyone more "grown" than anyone else, but I believe that the mindset that I've learned and developed that has put me in a place ready to marry, makes me know I have grown as a person. Committing to marriage means that I have acquired skills of commitment, trust, love, and the ability to comfortably feel responsible for and connected to another human being for the rest of my life. Growing up lesson: Its till death do you part, so make sure you are ready for life together.

My garbage stinks
This may come off strange but I think a person who's trash smells is a person who is eating and cooking well. In college living off of ramen and Easy Mac, my garbage didn't smell much. As I have grown in my culinary expertise and the trash is laced with remnants of vegetables and fresh meats rather than McDonalds wrappers, I am learning to provide through food for myself and my future hubby. Growing up lesson: if you can't cook, you can't eat.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Kicking you out of the "Big Girls Club"

A little while back Mo'Nique announced that she was planning on working to lose weight. A lot of her fans were outraged, claiming that she was turning her back on the "Big Girls Club" that had been her main audience throughout her career. This is absurd. Mo'Nique isn't saying "I no longer think big is beautiful, I want to be a skinny girl now," she's saying "I want to be healthier, and losing weight will help that." In an article I read today, she says she started at 262 lbs, is currently 224 lbs, and wants to get down to 200 lbs. For all those fans dissing her for wanting to lose weight and saying she's abandoning the big girls, remember, 200 lbs. is still no where near "the skinny girl," according to popular culture.

How can you hate on someone for wanting to be healthy? Yes, she has based her career off her larger than life personality and plus size. And, she's still going to be Mo'Nique, supporting that big can be beautiful too, at 200 lbs. I don't think she is selling out in the least. Mo' Nique is a role model for a lot of plus sized women who look at her and realize they don't have to be a size 0 to be beautiful, and I think this is something people should look at and say "she is comfortable with who she is, and wants to be healthy too." There is nothing wrong with that.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Let Stand

On a lot of microwaveable meals the instructions tell you how long to heat up the meal, and then they say "let stand for 1-2 minutes." The standing after heating allows for any sauces to thicken up, and meats to become tender, and for all the ingredients to meld together. If you rush to eat it too quickly, it won't be at its greatest potential for tastiness, and you'll probably burn your tongue. You also don't want to leave it too long because then it will get cold.

This is life.

Sometimes you just have to let things stand. If you try to rush things, you will get burned. If you take too long to make moves, life will become stale and cold. You want to have that balance. Enjoy where you are when things are good, don't rush. If you rush you'll always be working towards the next phase without enjoying where you're currently standing. BUT, don't stand too long, and definitely don't stand in dirt, because then things get old, stale, and cold. Who wants a stale life?

It is hard to find that balance though. Sometimes its hard to gauge that standing time. Have you found your balance?
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