Have you ever felt like an outcast? | NESHEAHOLIC

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Have you ever felt like an outcast?

Another formspring question: Have you ever felt like an outcast?

When you are the different one in a group of people you can either let that make you feel special, or make you feel bad. When I was younger I was very often the "different" one. I would be the only black person in various activities (soccer, gymnastics, etc.) even if my color was never referenced, I knew I was different, and everyone else knew I was different. Not in that I achieved any greater or any worse at the activity, but it was just that whole hockey puck on a sheet of ice effect...(stop, think, you'll get the joke in a minute lol).

So, did this difference make me feel special or like an outcast? I always felt pretty special lol. My color has never put me in a position to feel ashamed or like an outcast....but my breasts have. I didn't always have big boobs, they sprung up about freshman year of high school. I had to get custom made bras for dance recitals because the back-less/strapless/clothless tops weren't really made for my growing into 36DDs. No cute little tops for LaNeshe, I ALWAYS have to wear a bra. From the moment my mole hills began to sprout into small mountains every performance after that has been a constant conversation of "how will I wear a bra with that?” “Are my breasts staying in place?”

In my mind I am always the big breasted girl on stage. Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with my breasts, but they can be a hindrance sometimes when it comes to performing, especially if I’m on stage with smaller framed women. I prefer that they stay in place like two good little girls if I'm acting or dancing. I don't want them overshadowing my performance.

I had a show last year where I played a nine year old girl. We figured out early on that my chest was in no way the chest of a nine year old. Our remedy to that was wrapping "the girls" down tight with two ace bandages.

So I went from 36DD


To about 36 -A


Besides the uncomfortableness that two ace bandages wrapped around your lungs brings, it felt great :-P
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7 comments

  1. awww. i'm like the opposite in that department! not something to be proud of. haha.

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  2. you know, i beg to differ. with the chicken that these little girls eat, your chest is very much the chest of a 9-year-old. lol
    - rb

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  3. haha, good little girls, huh?

    sounds like you sometimes have obnoxious teens. amirite?

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  4. "I prefer that they stay in place like two good little girls if I'm acting or dancing. I don't want them overshadowing my performance."

    LOL

    Good to read your answer, though! (Such a lame comment, I know, but I can't just say nothing!)

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  5. @Thu-lol, the grass is always greener...
    @rb-true, I see nine years old these days with full women bodies.
    @thebigshowatud- LOL @ unruly teens.
    @Ronnica - lol its ok, thanks for coming by :-)

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  6. Yes, I have felt like an outcast. Kind of weird for a middle class white guy with a college degree and a good job (engineer.) But I'm also autistic. People can tell right away, my posture, funny walk, or if I try to talk...
    I've been alone for 49 years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry you've felt alone for so long. Have you ever been to Autisable.com? It's a community for people with Autism and their families.

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