5/1/10 - 6/1/10 | NESHEAHOLIC

Sunday, May 30, 2010

A lovely Memorial Day Weekend

A formspringer asked me: What is your favorite thing to do on a summer weekend?

This question nicely ties into the great Memorial Day Weekend I had at home in Connecticut.

A perfect summer weekend includes two things:

1. A cookout, and this cookout should include:
-hamburgers and hot dogs charred to perfection the grill
-good drinks, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic

2. A trip to an amusement park, and this trip must include:
-fried dough/funnel cake with powdered sugar
-cotton candy
-water park
-wooden roller-coaster

My actual weekend included a really nice cook-out that my Mom put together and trip to Rye Playland with my husband, my mom, her boyfriend and my two-year-old niece. It was a nice mini-vacation to start off the summer. In the future we have plans for a day trip to Dourney Park, and a 4th of July trip to Virginia Beach.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Interracial Dating

A formspringer suggested: "I think you should do a blog about interracial relationships"

Ask and you shall receive :-)

It has taken me a long time, and many blog posts to really refine how I feel about interracial relationships. I have finally nailed down that I don't have a problem with interracial relationships except when the following is true:

The person dates outside of their race because they feel like women/men of their race are not good enough for them.


The person dates outside of their race because they feel like a woman/man of another race boosts their position in society.

In sum, I don't have a problem with interracial relationships when the reasoning for them is not self hate. I have a HUGE problem when someone dates outside of their race, or refuses to date within their race because they have a deep seeded feeling of inferiority about who they are.

You don't know how long it has taken me to nail down my feelings on this topic.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dating advice for young women

I don't proclaim to be a relationship or dating expert at all, but I was asked on my formspring:

What's the best advice you can give a young black girl on dating?

Well, I think my advice can go for any young woman in the dating world, not just black women. I suggest:

Be yourself: Don't try to be what you think men or a specific man wants in a woman, be your own woman.

You don't NEED a man in your life to have a life: Too often young women feel incomplete without a boyfriend. That is a problem. It is unfair to yourself to feel like you are half a person because you don't have a man.

Put yourself out there: If you are really in the market for dating someone you've got to actually be out in places where you can meet new people. Too many women complain about not being able to find a mate, but they don't veer off the path between work and home.

Don't let friends influence you: Advice from friends is good, but the only person who really knows about your relationship is you and the person you are in a relationship with. Don't let your friends put their expectations on your relationships.

And this has been random dating tips provided by Nesheaholic :-)

Give a Gaga A Chance

Last night was a night of firsts. It was the first time I watched Glee and the first time I entertained the notion of liking Lady Gaga.

At some point in time I set in my mind that I didn't like her or her music or her style. Tonight on Glee the Glee crew performed her songs, in costumes like hers, doing Gaga-ish moves... and I liked it.

I realized I had unjustfully written off Lady Gaga as someone I didn't like. Maybe all the media hype and people who liked her turned me off. I'm too cool to like the mainstream right? Or maybe it was the rumors about her being an illuminti cult member, I don't know.

I've decided to try to make a conscious effort to not not like something without knowing why I don't like it.

Lesson of the day is to give new people and things a chance. I will be giving lady Gaga a chance.

P.S.- I also loved Glee, and will be adding it to my television rotation.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Keeping up with the formspring

I haven't been posting the answers to all my formspring questions here on my blog, but you can check out all the answers on my formspring profile page.

Also, feel free to use the box below to submit any blog topics or questions.


Alan Wake: Game Review

Alan Wake, an XBOX 360 Game by Remedy Entertainment.

Premise: Your (Alan's) wife has been kidnapped and you are searching for her, attempting to solve a large scale mystery while shadow people and objects try to kill you. It is a Psychological Action Thriller, in which you are the main character.

Alan is an author and seems to have crafted the whole story. Throughout the game you find his manuscript pages which give you a glimpse into the past and future of the tale.

The shadow creatures must be broken down by light, from a flashlight, flash-bang grenade, flare, etc. After you weaken them with the light, you can shoot and kill them.

I give the game 5 Stars based on the following criteria :

Story: It really feels like you are in a horror film. The story is captivating, entertaining, and SCARY! The use of the scattered manuscript pages also enhance the story because you read bits and pieces of the tale that you encounter later on in game-play, which offers an eerie sense of dejavu.

Enemies: You have a wide array of enemies, which keeps you on your toes. The shadow drenched foes include people, farm equipment, and birds. The diversity of enemies keeps the game engaging. Just when you thought you've mastered how to kill the dark shadow people, a shadow tractor trailer will try to mow you down.

Weapons: The array of weapons also keep the game interesting. Different weapons require different strategy. Flashlights, shotguns, flash-bang grenades, flares, or the omniscient presence of street lights can all burn the shadowy goo of your enemies.

Graphics: I'd classify the graphics of the game with one word, awesome. The scenery and settings are beautiful, and as light is a very important part of the game, the use of shadow and lights are very realistic.

Scare Factor: I find myself screaming and ducking from my chair as I play the game. By the end of a boss fight my heart rate is up and I'm breathing hard. The game will scare you, which makes the game-play even more exciting.

5 Star Game. Pick it up today!


Friday, May 21, 2010

Whitewashing History, One Textbook at a Time

This is getting scary.

Arizona Schools Ban Ethnic Studies Classes

Arizona has actually signed a bill into law that bans ethnic studies classes. The bill bans schools from teaching classes that are designed for students of a particular ethnic group or promote resentment or advocate ethnic solidarity. The bill also bans classes that promote the overthrow of the U.S. government.

So, instead of teaching students about history and different cultures, and allowing them to make their own judgments on how they feel about these events, the school district is just going to censor any information that could make a student dislike the U.S.?

This is ridiculous. I don't advocate promoting an anti-U.S. filled curriculum, but that hasn't been what has been taught anyway! The now banned Arizona textbooks wouldn't have made it to students hands if they promoted an anti-U.S. point of view. The reasoning is just a veil for targeting the Mexican American studies programs in AZ.

I don't know how it works in other people's schools, but in my 16 years of schooling, ethnic studies classes were taken by individuals of all ethnicities, and didn't turn people against the U.S. or each other, but rather, educated people about people different from themselves.

Texas Board of Education debates whether to include President Obama's Middle Name, "Hussein," in Textbooks.

From what I've read on this story, Obama supporters in the Texas Board of Education did not want President Obama's middle name to be listed in new text books, citing that individuals who did want it there had ulterior motives to un-dignify the president by listing "Hussein."

You know what the problem is here? That the use of the name "Hussein" could be used as a derogatory jab at our president, OR that the use of it would make President Obama supporters take offense. It is indeed his name. It's not John, Jacob, or David. Yes, there is an obvious tie to Saddam Hussein when people hear the name. However, there were people in history who did unspeakable things named John (Wilkes Booth), Timothy (McVeigh) and Theodore (Kaczynski).

We don't need to "cleanse" our president's name by removing "Hussein" from it. Hussein is Arabic and means "good; small handsome one." But we don't care what it means, but it's Arabic, and we cannot have ethnic sounding names in our textbooks for good people.

Texas Board of Education (again, with Texas) Wants to Rename the Slave Trade to the "Atlantic Triangular Trade."

Why does this bother me? Because it is only the beginning in trying to sugar coat one of our nation's darkest times and absolve any guilt. I don't believe "Atlantic Triangulars" were being traded, I believe it was SLAVES, men, women, and children, killed, beaten, put into bondage and treated like property, with less decency than cattle.

This scares me. Where are we without history, real history? True depictions of what has happened. Our children spend 16 years of their lives in schools. I just want them to have the truth. Lay the information on the table, and let them decide for themselves.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Nesheaholic Poetry

A got the question/comment on my formspring: "how about writing a poem :0)"

I love seeing people recite poetry, and I have a lot of poet friends that are really awesome at what they do. I wish I was as talented as them lol. I've written a couple poems. I think I'm much better at blog writing than poetry writing.

Never Neverland - 3/20/2010

Sometimes the pressure of my fairy tale weighs me down
I have my knight in shining armor and am on my way to Happily Ever After
But with the glitter comes wicked step sisters and evil step mothers
Wart-ridden frogs attempting to steal me from my prince
I just hope this glass slipper never breaks
And my carriage is never to be a pumpkin again.

Run - 7/30/2009

There's no place like....

Not home.

Running through an open field
Nothing in sight but air and clouds
A 75 degree sunny day with a light breeze
Blowing a white linen dress as I run
Run freely, to nothing, away from nothing, just run
Feel life as I run
No one in sight, nothing in sight
Air and warm sun

Upside Down - 3/5/2009

I feel like I'm upside down, although I'm right side up, because my head is spinning like I'm continually doing somersaults.
I can't sit still because my mind is in constant motion, unable to concentrate, and un-silenceable
I want to jump up outta my bones and get away from self.
I feel too old and too young at the same time. Rushed and held back. Not needing rest but wanting to lay down.
I feel upside down.

What do you want? - 11/25/2008

What do I want?

Nothing. Really nothing.
I don't want anything.
I don't want to talk, text, chat, type, nothing.
I just want to be be.
Pause the world around me so I don't miss anything and nobody misses me.
Pause the world around me so that I can drift, in my own world, just me.

Adulthood - 10/30/2008

All of adulthood is piling up on me.
Bills, pap smears, drug tests, debt.
I don't feel old. Not old enough to experience death and loss.
Regret & anxiety.
Dread & nostalgia.
Afraid of my present.
The present that use to be my highly anticipated future.
That post-graduation future that I thought would be sweet smelling and rose filled.
Once I got here it was more like dandelions amongst crab grass.
But no crabs in a barrel here.
The only one holding me back is myself.
Stuck to the bottom of the bucket by the glue of obligation.

Feel free to leave questions or blog topics on my formspring anonymously if you'd like.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Oh the possibilities...

My very first question to my formspring: What's the best part about being newly married?

Hmmm. I'd say the best part about being newly married is that at this point, the possibilities are endless! It's like entering into a new business venture. We're figuring things out and planning for the future. We're a young married team. Two people ready to take on the world. In the short term the plan is:

1 year - buy house
2 years - buy new car
2.5 years - trip to Amsterdam
3 years- start talking about children
4 years- well needed cruise to take a break from a potential one year old child lol
(this is a rough estimate of our 4 year plan)

We had a marriage-ready relationship before we actually got married so our general relationship hasn't changed much. The main difference, and what makes this newlywed phase exciting is the future planning, and moving through life as a pair now. Our futures include each other, and that is pretty cool.


Text While Driving and Die

I read about Oprah's NO PHONE ZONE pledge over at AskDutch's page.

The NO PHONE ZONE pledge is pretty much an online petition that you can sign and say you will not text or talk while driving.

As I commented on AskDutch's page, while this is a good idea, and texting/talking while driving is dangerous, if fines from traffic police aren't enough to make a person not text/talk while driving, I don't see how an online pledge will.

Then I came across a texting-while-driving ad that is coming to the U.S. It originated in the U.K. and is being cut down from a full PSA to a 30 second spot for U.S. audiences, probably because we have shorter attention spans. The video is below, WARNING: IT IS GRAPHIC. I think it's effective in stopping texting/talking while driving, but it is really graphic, and I could see it stopping people from wanting to drive at all.

While Oprah's approach to the problem may be too soft, this might be a bit too harsh of a campaign, or maybe it is just right. Thoughts?


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Love Could Conquer All

I believe Love could conquer all if everyone had and gave love.

I don't mean spousal love or the love between just two individuals. I mean a broad love of people, and the world.

A love that would make a person understand that every citizen in the United States deserves equal rights, regardless of whether or not they love the same or opposite sex.

A love for the world that would make a person choose the earth in a battle between green energy and green dollar bills.

A love that would make a person believe every life is precious, whether just conceived, or on death row.

Real love. Unconditional love.

This is a fantasy that is likely to never come true, but if everyone had and gave love, Love could conquer it all in the end.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Struggle with Afrocentricity

Afrocentricity is a world view that emphasizes the importance of African people, culture, history and philosophy throughout the diaspora. The roots of Afrocentricity lie in a reaction to repression of Black people and Black culture throughout the Western world view. It is a direct opposition to the theory that attributes advancement of civilization to European immigration into different countries (i.e.- the thought that the African's weren't civilized until the Europeans came, kidnapped, and colonized them).

The above paragraph contains some paraphrasing from Wikipedia

I find Afrocentricity to be a consciousness of the influence African culture has on the world at large, and a consciousness of the non-stereotypical nature of Black people. A person of any race, color, or creed can have an Afrocentric perspective.

There is also the area of Afrocentricity that encourages Black people, or Black Americans to embrace their African roots and culture - and not conform to, or believe that Western or Euro-centric world views are superior or the standard of beauty, education, ideals, etc.

The title of this post is The Struggle with Afrocentricity. The struggle with identifying with an Afrocentric perspective for Black Americans comes from many things:

The feeling of clinging to a culture that was ripped away from them. African people from various countries were stolen away from their homeland and spread throughout the globe. At this point, even so many years later, that hurts. For some Black Americans they feel slighted to not be able to know what country they are from, and all the culture, customs, and language that goes with that. It can be painful to try to have any type of connection to a home you don't really know and that was stolen from you.

The feeling of trying to over-identify with something they don't know. Because so many Blacks are unable to really pinpoint their specific African roots it can feel like they are attempting to over-identifying with a culture they don't really know about. General symbols and African type print clothing makes them feel like a fraud. Because Africa is so large, with so many different cultures on one continent, a generic Afrocentricity seems frivolous to them.

There is as much of a African American (Black) Culture, as there is African Culture. At this point, Blacks have been in America for many years, and there is a distinct African American culture. Although a lot of African American culture is based from African cultural roots, there is a Black culture that has developed over time from being in the United States. It makes more sense to many African Americans to just be Black. Meaning, rather than attempting to embrace an Afrocentric world view, to have more of a Black world view. A focus on the achievement, philosophy, culture, and traditions that have developed during our time in the United States, and not be bothered with African specific identification.

Continental Africans look down upon African Americans. It has been the experience of many African Americans to find that Continental Africans (meaning, African people who are here in the states but still have direct ties and family on the continent) don't embrace them, and their want to learn about Africa. Because Continental Africans are fortunate enough to still have heavy ties to specific African Countries, customs, and culture, they don't see Blacks or African Americans as the same as them.
I might go as far as to say that Africans aren't Afrocentric, they are just African. Afrocentricity is a world view adopted by individuals outside of Africa. For African people who still have ties to the continent they simply are African, and it is their native world view.

Where do I fall in all of this? Well, although as far back as my living family members can remember, we have been in the United States, I know I am African. I may never know what specific country, but I know. I embrace the natural curl of my hair, and the darkness of my skin-tone because I know that being me is something to be proud of. I feel a connection to my ancestors through music, dance, and art.

Afrocentricity doesn't define who I am, it is just a part of what makes me, me. I don't believe it mandatory for anyone, but it works for me :-)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I’ve always been a cautious person; afraid to take risks, making a point to avoid pain and extreme fear. I rode my bike with training wheels until I was 13. Yes, you read right, I was a teenager riding a bike with training wheels. The only reason I finally took a leap and started riding like a “regular” person is that I got too heavy for the training wheels and they began to bend, and broke. I was afraid of turning a corner and falling down. But at some point, I had to grow up. At some point I had to just go, and ride.

I can admit to myself that I am a chicken when it comes to some things. To get on a roller coaster that goes upside down (I am fine with roller coasters that stay right side up and don’t have TOO deep of a slope) I have to be coaxed a LONG time. I don’t like to be the party pooper of the amusement park but sometimes I’m just SCARED. In the end, when I do get tricked or lose a bet and have to get on that roller coaster, I have a blast! I've learned life is much more fulfilling when you go out on a limb and shake things up a bit.


“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”-Cheri Huber
“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”- Dorothy Thompson
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”- Eleanor Roosevelt
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”- 2 Timothy 1:7

Sometimes you can’t think about fear.
Sometimes you just have to JUMP!

So, how did I, being afraid of roller coasters and using training wheels till I was 13, jump out of a plane at 15,000 feet above sea level? There was no turning back. Once I was in that plane I was there. Once that plane door opened I was out, there was no stopping in mid air. Was I scared out of my mind? HECK YES. But I had a BLAST! That is one of the moments I will remember for the rest of my life.

What’s the moral of the story? Sometimes you just have to go for it. Put fear aside, or jump out the plane before the fear can get you.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Redefining Mondays

Mondays get a bad rap. They are associated with the Monday Blues which is going back to work after the weekend. I think it is time to redefine Mondays. It doesn't help our moods if we always dread the first day of the week.

Let Monday set the tone for your week, start out positive. Monday is a new beginning, and who doesn't like new beginnings? Monday is a fresh start, and a new weekend to look forward to.

Happy Monday.
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